don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
