I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
