I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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