I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
