I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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