you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I want a musical about memes.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
