my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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