Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Drunk is not a location!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
