when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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