Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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