And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
