In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
