I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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