apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Then you guys just all showered together...?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
