we're blogging at a bar
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
