you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
