I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
