There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
