just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
