I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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