Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
handjob tips. give me some.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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