brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
