My balls are so social today.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
