Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
