Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Four minutes until I can fart!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
