nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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