so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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