On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
