I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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