I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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