Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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