I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
