i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
