I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
