the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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