that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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