I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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