Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
