Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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