Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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