your room smells of hookers.
And success
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
