Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
