Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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