and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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