I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
