So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
