I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
