thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
