I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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