Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
