I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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