I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
