Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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