my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
