we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
