My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
