he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
