quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize