I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
