Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
