i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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