Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
