Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
