HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
