I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
