Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
