Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
