i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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