hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
