i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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